In one...

Floral tributes are expensive...very expensive. I have always agreed with something I heard a long time ago. If you didn't buy me flowers when I was alive...then I don't want them now. Some of the tributes I have seen in my 18 years as an undertaker, defy belief...and the price. Almost as though  the florist...and I use that word loosely...has just stood and thrown the stalks into the oasis? Then charged an absolute fortune. At the end of the day.. the tribute in most cases, become a tasty snack for all sorts of wildlife...but mainly rabbits. However the care and attention that went into this design, made me stop in my tracks and do a double , followed by a treble, followed by a bullseye...take. Intricate and special. In this case, I am sure the deceased, would have been proud.

Ring

Sad day today, as I travelled all the way to the other side of Birmingham to attend a friend's funeral. Massive turn out...and quite rightly as he was a well loved man, with great sense of humour. I stood at back...and when everyone left, I asked the FD if I could go behind curtains and touch coffin. Paid my personal respects. On the way up, I stopped for coffee at a driving range, where I met this chap. Coffee and biscuit £1.50. On way home, stopped at services. Coffee and biscuit £6.50.!!!!....you ever seen a grown man cry.

In style

Horse drawn funeral yesterday. Going out in style with two horses pulling the carriage and four horse out riders. A head turner by any standards. Always difficult though, avoiding the mini roundabouts the horses drop in front of limo. What a great day for the roses.

Hail

I spotted a hearse yesterday from a firm I used to work for, many years ago. I suppose it's going in style  in a Roller. But now you can be carried on your final journey, by almost any mode of transport. Horse and carriage. Bus, Tram, JCB, Motorbike and Camper vans. You name it and your Funeral Director should be able to source it. Me? I have changed my mind so many times...and now...I don't care if you stick me in a taxi...I ain't paying the fare x

Wake up

So today's funeral took in, Derbyshire, Leicestershire and Nottinghamshire. As always, what should have been a simple day...had a catch. Two limos back.to reception. I say to the first driver...you get off mate...I will take Funeral Director back. Ok he says. I then reverse out of car park onto narrow street. So does he. Off he goes...and I wait....and I wait...and I....after 15 minutes....I start to get angry... so I abandon limo blocking the street and go into the hotel. I ask one of the mourners....is the Funeral Director here...yes he says in there.....grrrr so back to limo. A little later with stress levels you could boil a cup a soup on.. I go back into.the wake....same chap and I ask again....his reply...oh no he went ages ago...I thought you asked...Is the Funeral in there!!!! The FD had gone in the first car!!! WTF!!! I pride myself on communication...arghhhh..does anyone want a red hot chicken and leek soup?

Jamaican time

Today I am.on a Caribbean funeral. Where as most funerals last 60-90 minutes....these last 5~6 hours!@@. A hearse and 7 limos through centre of Nottingham takes massive concentration, and after short nights sleep...is doubly hard. You may think this is a police escort? It's not...but motorists think it is. Watching for motorists trying to cut in..red light cameras...yes we go through on red, where possible. My passengers have consumed quite a lot of local brew and are having a whale of a time, leaning out of Windows singing and filming. Yep...a great party send off. ..although being offered a red bull and vodka...I politely declined...but I do need a cold San Miguel....if I ever get home.

Soggy soldiers

My day changed completely  today when I got a text last night, just.as I was going to bed ,asking me to where black trousers...I was going to wear jim  jams...but I am eager to please, so changed...it was a tad uncomfortable. Realised when I woke that they meant for work. We usually wear stripes..so it should have given me a clue what area I was going to. I grade it by standard of coffee at office. 1~5..1 being the type  Baldrick  made in the trenches. To 5. Served by a harem of beautiful scantily  clad girls, whilst being fanned by vine leaves and gently fed pharaoh  roches....Today was a 3. My alarm failed to go off...so I was running late, eating my marmite  covered toast in the shower. Leapt into my car...and drove to work. Stopped and went back to put my clothes on. Made it just in time...see what I did with the photo....Every Funeral is different and interesting and poignant. Some people want to talk when you are driving them to the service. Some remain quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Some laugh, sharing the person's memories. Some sob. Whatever the situation, you have to detach yourself from it and not take your work home with you...especially  if your the hearse driver. I love my job.

Bearing my soul

When is it legal, to undertake? Well today ,as I am off to be part of the team, to make sure a funeral proceeds with dignity and respect. As a limo driver, I never speak to the mourners in conversation, unless they speak to me first. I have heard sorrow and tears, laughter and mirth and complete silence , while driving mourners to the service. In my years, I have heard discussions about the will! Discussions about funeral fashion, with the common phrase ' Did you see what she was wearing' discussions about the deceased and their life stories. And the silence of total shock and sorrow.  I try not to to listen...but sometimes its unavoidable. When i get out of the limo it all has to be forgotten and i carry on proffesionaly to carry the coffin on its last journey. Every day is an adventure and I am proud to be part of someone's final journey. I have no idea where i am going to today. It could be a city a town a village. Its all part of this fascinating job.

Oliver

Sorry folks. But today's blog contains the 'C' word. I know most of you don't use it and find it offensive....but it has to be used today.
CONSIDERATION....there ..i shouted it. Every day i meet someone who has never heard of this simple but important word. Be it in shops, cafe's, walking, swimming but most of all ...driving. The photo, shows a magnificent display of limos. Put  a Hearse at the front with coffin and you have a head turning sight. All lights on all vehicles... Can't failed to be seen to what it is. That is, if your a motorcyclist and pillion passenger , who decides to cut in between the cortege and stay there for two miles. Now i can quite proudly say, that i have never let anyone cut in front of me. But what went through these morons heads as they joined us, on someone's final journey. ???? So the C word needs to be used more. C hmm now what else starts with C....Coffee!!!!!

Ma'am as in jam.

Well have to wish her maj  a very happy birthday. During military service caught glimpses of most of them. Including princess di. Yes she did have a magical.aura about her...and i still remember that moment. The Queen Mum inspected my boots. And I played at a Royal Funeral.. Of which the mournful bass drumbeat proceeding the cortege sent shivers down my spine. Very proud of Britains Royalty. It may be the only thing we have left.