Chestnuts

An early burial today. Coldest I have known it for a long time. I may have to dig out my long John's soon. Shiver me timbers...and other things.

Jurassic poke

I have to feed my gecko Angel, live food twice a week. I don't enjoy choosing which wood lice to pass death sentence on...but it has to be done. I wasn't aware how big they grow. Last night, this humoungous beast dropped from container into feeding pot. I say dropped, I am sure he had a parachute. Could have sworn it looked at me with an evil stare. Got up this morning and even Angel had dared not take him on. If he is still there, I will release into the wild. Although I would then expect a knock on the door. Well there is a nasty bug going around?

Double jeopardy

The driver I followed this morning, must have been on the same driver awareness course as me. Driving just under the speed limit, I was labouring in 3rd. Resisting the urge to overtake, I stayed patiently behind. And thank goodness. 2 mobile speed cameras in the space of half a mile!!!. I can almost guarantee someone will get 6 points today. They will have gone through 1st trap...cursed themselves and lost complete concentration and would be zapped at the next trap. Pretty sure I would have been ok without the slow driver in front.....but you never know ?? It would have been an expensive lunch.

Jelly Fish

I have heard of counterfeit money. Even counterfeit clothing, some of which I unintentionally bought whilst on tour in Cyprus.But counterfeit food!!!!. Last night I treated myself to a Chinese Take away. I love to try new things...so I ordered Crispy Seaweed to compliment my English chicken and chips. Really enjoyed it and immediately felt sorry for the poor little seaweed farmer who had to trawl the beaches to put this tasty treat on my plate...or polystyrene container, as was the case. After the meal, I decided to research what exotic seaside country the ocean vegetable was sourced from....Shock...Horror....it's bloody cabbage??? Never seen the coast in its life...never wrapped itself round an unsuspecting paddlers ankles? Bloody cabbage. That's like being told...that your lobster thermostat is chicken...your crispy duck...is corn beef?? Next they will be telling me, that scampi...is prawns....what a con.

National grid

Yesterday's funeral was 10 hours from start to finish. Caribbean funerals are always 4 to 5 hours long as they really celebrate the life of the person. Lots of singing and a live group on stage. I watched the bass guitar player avidly as the pianist shouted the progressive chart over to him. The funeral ran on time...but there is a catch to everything. Black Friday meant more than a shopping frenzy. Driving conditions were treacherous with a low Sun dazzling everyone. The concentration it takes to drive 4 feet from the limo in front whilst negotiating a busy city, is draining. After it was all over...I just needed to get home. But no...some motorists had not been so careful...and accidents on most routes caused massive tail backs. I should have been home at 4...but at 6pm I was still trying to find a route home. My stress levels were at boiling point...but managed not to blow...so at least I have learned something. One car had caused all the chaos...running into the back of another vehicle. Strange, as the sun was behind them. It takes ages to.recover a vehicle these days. Gosh even I dragged myself injured, from middle of the road, so as not to hold up traffic. My thoughts were with anyone who had called an ambulance though.. they had zero chance of getting through.Black Friday...more Red really.

Rum

Surreal life. Yesterday playing for Xmas shoppers. Today a hearse and 4 limos on a Jamaican funeral. Total lack of respect from some motorists today though. I always like to be rear gunner i.e. last vehicle. Its more of a challenge...especially going through lights. Someone tried to force their way in between mine and 3rd limo...they failed miserably. Don't mess with the Martin's.

Judy Garland

So today I am playing with a brass band for the Xmas light switch on in Nottingham. The traffic is going to be that horrendous, that we are all meeting at a Tram stop, and commuting in that way. I have skeletonised my kit down to 1. Trombone. 2. Stand. 3 pegs. But will be dressed as Scot of the Antarctic as I put the freezing piece of metal to my lips. Only down to do one spot...but an act has dropped out...and we are covering...wonder why. I am fascinated to see how the drummer manages on the Tram?

Taxi!!!!

I have to admit, that I am more of a dog lover than a cat lover After all, I have spent a fortune trying to keep them off my prize lawn. However, a friend of mine told me about a new cafe that's in derby. It's called lady T's. You have to ring a bell to enter. Then go through a close door open door ceremony to get in. The reason? The cafe is full of moggies. They are everywhere. In fact the only seat left...had a Felix snoozing and I felt awful moving him her...In fact,  It's now sat staring at me with pure hatred...as I slurp my black nectar. Strange contradiction...the cafe is full of stuffed animals..and I don't mean full of food. Deer...badger, Rat....a dead mermaid and a unicorn? There are a lot of twee ladies in here cooing and awwwwing..and the cats, of which I have counted 8 are wandering amongst our sandwiches and cakes...I have resisted trying the chocolate brownie surprise though. Quaint..and worth a visit from my fellow derbaryians. I actually love this place..and will return. It's hygienic no matter what your thoughts may be...and surprisingly relaxing. I may have found my new home.

Prost

I visited a Weatherspoons this week. Was extremely impressed by the choice of food and the quantity for the price. What really swung it though, was unlimited free refills on coffee. Although they frowned when I tried to fill up my 4 litre flask. Amazed though, at the amount of people consuming alcohol in the day. I don't mean just a cheeky pint, but wine by the bottle and numerous pints. Me personally, I would be fast asleep for the rest of the day? They had San Miguel on draught ..not even tempted. Only daytime drinking I did, was in Germany and that was because the schutzenfest chaps insisted. Earliest was schnapps and raw steak at 6 am...followed by a full day of music and marching....with a beer at every stop. It's a wonder I made it out alive.

Doomed

On the 28th of October, I had to have a heart monitor strapped to my chest for a week...or until the device was full of data. Every time I swallowed my heart would do a little jig. I returned the monitor in 2 days...full to the brim of unusual flutters. Every day from then, I have been watching the post with some anxiety....3 weeks on...and nothing. So I ring the hospital, who sent the results to doctor on 4th November!!!!!. Turns out...he would like to see me. Fact is...if I hadn't chased this up...how would I have known. He is 95 % sure all is ok...however 5 % can seem an awful lot when worried. I have also dropped my 3 monthly e mail to my solicitor...asking if any progress on my hit and run.....no reply. How does this country survive? I think everyone should do 2 years in the army before taking civilian employment.  Not impressed......we are screwed.

10cc

I watched a program, about the world famous auction house Christies last night. The night before, it was Children in Need, where your average hard working family, dug deep into their savings to donate. Whilst back at the auction..a bidding war was taking place..over a truly horrendous painting. The lot sold for 50 million!!!!. This planet we live on is truly awful. If their is a god...I hope he enforces the lesson on Gluttony.

Raffles

I realised this morning...that I am turning into my dad...but role reversal. I was advising him on things .. that he would have guided me on as a teenager. One was heating over winter. He keeps switching his timer off and wonders why the thermostat throwing a wobbly. But more importantly...leaving his car keys near the door. I told him, that all it takes...is a scrote with a metal coat hangar.. and his pride and joy has gone. He then told me the story of married couple. He gets up and leaves the house in the morning. 20 minutes later the wife rises. This particular morning she couldn't find her mobile phone. She rings hubby. It's probably in handbag.....I can't find that either....then you left it in car.  She goes outside... yup...no car. Someone had watched their routine...and took advantage of those 20 short minutes. This was last week...car still not found. The only thing I hate..is cold callers...I had one last week. It was my Gran asking if I could borrow her a fiver for her electric meter......

Tyred out

Poor chap in a wheelchair, got a flat tyre today. Not on his wheelchair, but motobility car. Of course, progress means that there was no spare wheel. We could have changed it for him if he had one...and our reassurance , that it was only flat on the bottom...didn't pacify him. So we called the RAC....It was cold...so I wheeled him back to the church...then rushed outside to do the burial...then straight to the Limo ..my awful thought is...what if he is still.there!!! Everyone went to the wake...including the vicar...ooops

I'm Board

I always looking for Festive Scenes in and around Derbyshire. I hope one day, to publish my own inspirational Chrimbo scenes I spot on my walks. This scene..brings all the beauty of the festive season to life don't you think? I would have spent longer on the photographic composition...but I was pressed for time. I dedicate this photo to my old mate Ted Webster...who can't wait for the sound of jingle bells and Carol singers, just so he can show them his wallet, through his window...and mouth the words ' 2 hope's Bob and No. Oh the warmth of the season.

Hi bloody ho

I woke up feeling grumpy this morning.. but she wasn't up for it. Looking at my BBC weather app, it said fine and dry. So I jumped on my bike and cycled to my dads...returning 2 minutes later to put some clothes on. Half way there, the heavens opened and I was soaked. So I decided to bike back...get my car and do a 2 mile walk. My BBC app didn't tell me I would run into an accident and get stuck for 30 minutes. Of course it's now glorious Sun shine and I could have continued on my bike..drying out on the way. I figure I am a fair weather trainer now.I am not having a good day.

Goodness Gracious Me

It's nearly 3 weeks now, since I had a monitor strapped to my chest to work out, why every time I swallowed..my heart did a somersault. Now, I have every praise for the NHS...but think the letters may stand for No Hurry Service. I expected to find a letter on my doorstep every day...marked Urgent...report to your nearest defibrillator outlet immediately...but as yet...nothing. Of course, I could look on the positive..and assume...I am fitter than a butcher's dog? But I always err on caution...and anything else...is a bonus. I have no real faith in the system anymore. To walk into the doctors waiting room and be the only English person there is scary...and reading through the multiple language signs to occupy the time that the doctor is running late...is making me despair. So my fate lays in an overstretched medical system...but then again..so do the majority of people I carry on my shoulder at work. It's sad.

Zzzzz

Lazy day today. But needed it. Did a few poster drops for our Xmas gig...ate food...drank coffee... and vegged. Long week ahead.

Sean

I knew I had to get up at an obscene hour this morning. So I went to bed early...allowing for my usual 4 hours kip. I woke and waited for the radio alarm to kick in...and waited...and waited. Turning a bleary eye...just one....towards the led display...I realised I had only been asleep 2 hours...it was 3am. So today, I am the walking dead...hmmm might visit a garden centre then...

Shabby chic

For the second Sunday running, I have to roll out of my pit at 6am. An obscene hour of the morning on any day. I have to climb into my vintage band attire to play at a vintage fair traveling 2 hours and playing for 6 hours. At the end of the day, we will all be out of pocket, paying for coffee and cakes and a beef cob for Sunday lunch. But that's what music is all about...the love. If I could total up, how much I have spent, entertaining folk..I could probably buy myself a small penthouse in Bermuda....or a mansion in Skegvegas. The day I play for the love of money...is the day I set fire to my p bone. The photo...another sleepy village in the middle of nowhere...peace.

All day

I am incensed. 120 seconds. 2 minutes. Out of 365 days. A well known cheaper supermarket announced the 2 minute silence, but apparently some shoppers found talking and shopping more pressing. Just asked the staff at a more expensive supermarket if their customer had respect. Apparently everyone stood still and remembered. 3 years ago, I stopped 2 youths walking through the still shoppers who were respecting the silence. I made them.stand still. I am so glad I wasn't at that supermarket today. ...

The eyes have it

Sometimes, away from the madness.. I am always in awe, of the beauty of some of our quaint villages. Wandering around during the service, there is so much to see and learn. Most of us are guilty of walking around with closed eyes...seeing what we want to see. But there is so much more to it. England in Autumn is rich with colour, bringing out nature at its best. Yes, I am in a reflective mood today. Life is precious. Savour every last drop. Same as coffee and San Miguel.

Trees a crowd

It's chrimbo competition time. To win a copy of Cranberry Flicks EP, please have a go at this question. Wandering around another garden centre today...? I spotted this Xmas tree. It's about 8 feet tall. White...with chandelier type drops and lights. Nearest guess on the price by 30th November will win a CD which I will post to you. Good luck.

Alucard

Sat in a garden centre,drinking morning coffee. I actually am scared of these places, which are frequented by the walking dead, all shuffling around, pointing at a dandelion and in unison saying ' oooh that's nice'   A coffee will cost you an arm and a leg and you need a second mortgage for a slice of cake. In fact if you bought the whole Victoria Sponge ( the staple diet of zombies) it would cost you £56!!@!!. You have to avoid all the trolleys laden with winter flowering shrubs...and Xmas tinsel...one piece....cos that's 5 times the price of normal shops....then wait at the checkout...while the cast of dawn of the dead, retrieve their gardeners discount card from the depths of their bags. Werthers original wrappers showering down from the bowels of the ' I heart Daniel o Donnal' canvas bags. Yes...I just love garden centres. Such fun.

Family planning?

So from today, the Benefit cap has dropped from 26k to 20k! Twenty thousand pounds??? And the pink fluffy brigade are doing their usual headless chicken routine. Children will be homeless....etc etc. Twenty thousand pounds a year??? Now all we have to stop, is the alcohol allowance. Oh yes it exists.. but under a different name. Alcoholics get a certain amount to spend on white lighting..98% proof £2 a gallon. Jeez...how soft is this country. I am angry...as twice I was treated like dirt by the system? Why? Because I didn't play it. Many can. Many do. But soon the pot will run dry...and the real deserving will suffer. Means testing over a month per family. .problem solved. The people who really deserve help...can then get more. I use the name philpot as an example....I rest my weary case.

Boldy going

I have struggled out of my pit this morning, to stagger the mile to my favourite coffee shop. For decades I have been preaching for folks, to stay in and not spread germs. My cause was lost from the start. So if you can't beat them...breathe on them. Listening to world war 3 last night, I realised how things have changed on firework night, as to when I was a mere slip of a lad. For a start , you could buy bangers. These made great hand grenades. Yes, I would light it while still holding it, then quickly lob it. Same with Roman candles...only this was my rocket launcher. I tied a banger to the stick on a rocket. Lit the rocket...half way up the banger would ignite and blow the rocket to smithereens. I only had an accident once. They used to do colourful matches. So my idea to liven things up...I lit one...put it back in the box with the others....then threw it as high as I could.. wow...but then....for some unknown reason....I caught it on the way down.......A and E were busy that night. So on my walk this morning...I found these spent fireworks behind a bin. Well thermo nuclear devices I should say. I preferred my childhood...to the second mortgage you have to pay for these depth charges.

Choo choo cha bogie

I have man flu. I am so careful to avoid the sneezing, coughing public....but a rogue germ must have infiltrated my nostrils in the middle of the night, when I was off my guard. I am now snuffling like Rudolph on cocaine? Some little on duty germ, is pouring buckets of mucus down my imflamed hooter. As fast as I empty it...he throws another litre bucket down there. I might as well use Izal toilet paper to wipe it...as it's that sore. Girls just don't get, how bad us men suffer. So what shall I do today. Maybe visit someone in hospital..or sit on public transport..coughing down the back of a strangers neck. Why not? Everyone else does it. But of course, I won't. My middle name is consideration...I will limit my germs to as least people as possible. I am sure from now on...they will do the same....oooh a flying pig

EU dirty rats

I think I upset 2 people in the studio of BBC radio derby this morning. The usual ugly subject of Brexit came up..and the outters whining that it needs another vote. I remarked that, thousands gave their lives to protect this country from invasion and dictatorship...and that I could wear my poppy with pride...could they? Didn't go down too well. Job done.

Ich Dien

Feeling helpless. An ex Army comrade was diagnosed with cancer a while ago. He has been posting his fight throughout on social networking. This weekend he moves into a Hospice. He is being so brave and facing everything with the courage of a true soldier. Apart from words I have sent to him, I feel so helpless. Yesterday I saw 4 incidents carried out by awful people...the bad ones seem to thrive..while the good suffer. I feel so helpless. I can do absolutely nothing to solve this. Frustration is not a big enough word.

Porridge

I work with an ex prison officer, so I know the true extent of British Prisons. Today on the radio it was stated, that prisons are rife with drugs alcohol and mobile phones? Why? Simple, they are being smuggled in by visitors. So the solution. Put the prisoner behind a glass screen. Bring in the special forces to run the prisons for a year. Take all the tv and luxury away. Make the skanks afraid of prison. Bread water and hard Labour. Oooh civil liberties I hear the pink fluffy brigade cry. Well soon we will be out of Europe and we can make our own rules. For god sake Britain, grow a backbone.

Fall

That's it. Autumn has been switched off. The Winter switch has been thrown..the cold weather on its way. How do.I know? Because my head is cold. Wooly beanie hats have been washed. All with different slogans, including...Invictus. Keep calm and play bass...and my favourite...I have used up all my sick days...so have called in dead.